My Own DBT Skills

It’s hard to coach your child through mental illness. Hard to teach them coping skills to challenges you never faced. And wearing to always remember to be the best human - kind, understanding, supportive, encouraging... when sometimes all you want is for them to stop and get out of the car. To coach through STOPP like her therapist has taught us when all I want her to do is just stop!! And it’s tiring to continually push down your innate response to what feels like willfulness - to squelch the anger and the disappointment at yet again not being able to do some seemingly small thing. But that automatic response isn’t helpful. She doesn’t need my anger, she needs my understanding... even when she doesn’t appreciate it.

And this is where I need to turn to my own DBT skills and STOPP myself. 

To breathe through the anger and disappointment. To take a step back and observe - and realize that part of the anger raging through my belly is really fear that we’ll never get past this. That every time I think we’re free, something will snap and we’ll be right back here. To put this in perspective - that each time we have a low it’s a higher and less hurtful low than the time before. Last panic attack she cut again. This panic attack she cried and said “I can’t” enough times to make a saint snap - but she didn’t hurt herself and I (though certainly no saint) didn’t snap. We’re both alive. Both unharmed. And that’s progress. And final P - to push forward with what works - a shower for her and some alone time for me. 

I’m still frustrated that the panic won and we didn’t get to do the fun thing planned. I’m still mad that now that we’re home and I spent all of my emotional energy calming her, she wants to retreat to her room rather than be with me. But in the grand scheme I know none of that matters. 

It took me a minute to get from Emotional to Wise Mind, but I think I have it... by the claws of my nails....