You and Me of the Ten Thousand Wars

I know this isn't what the lyrics of the song are supposed to mean, but I can't help feeling parallels to mental illness - to mental health. The 10,000 wars... the wars that are fought every morning, every day in the brain. The struggles that I see her go through to stay on an even keel. I know I feel a smaller amount of it myself, but even that can seem overwhelming. So what must it be looking out from the inside of her brain....

The simplest things can be battles - can we leave the house, can she brush her teeth, did she take her meds, can we just for-the-love-of-all-that's-holy get to school.

She asked to stay home again. Am I being a good mother by making her go to school or would I be a good mother to let her stay home where she feels safe, and snuggle and hide her from the world? I believe, deep in me I believe, that the answer is to go to school. I believe - I have to believe - that this will get easier. No plan survives first contact, but the more we face the world the better equipped we are to face the world.  There's a certain amount of desensitization of self that only occurs with exposure - training your brain that you have survived this in the past and will survive it again. And we can't do that if we're snuggled with a blanket in the living room, cuddled on the couch hiding from the world.

But it sure would be fun.




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